one more time my essay appears + Tony's re-write
Write a 250-word essay explaining why the EMHCA (Executive Master
Health Care Administration) degree is important to you. (This is one of the requirements in my Masters degree application.)
It is indisputable, that experience is very important to work, fourteen years experience I have had from tertiary 1000 beds hospital in Saudi, in addition to four years managerial experience. No one can deny that Executive Master Health Care Administration (EMCHA) Degree will empower my career, in this essay I will look at the importance of Mater Degree to my profession.
I am blessed with a true of the value of the Master degree, it is important to me on personal and occupational levels, such people that drive our world to success every day and make it a better place. Applying for EMHCA degree is a big leap in approaching my potential, as it will prove me to make the most of my career
However, I have exposed to managerial issues since 2002, and have acquired a sense of duties and responsibilities , my accumulated practice and experience proved that I can do more efficient , this quality target , irrefutable that composed of two essential ingredients , the first being pratice the second is advance knowledge , as I believe ,that EMHCA degree is my ticket to the second . I m embarking on such mission, because I, by nature, m not settler, as I see it, knowledge is a life-long road not bounded by age number.
Furthermore, the journey to earn this degree is granted to me, it will prove to be a primary milestone throughout my life in seeking to learn , I feel that to lead people toward the right way and be trustful , I should expand my knowledge , so I must genuinely earn the duty ,the trust and title they trust me with. I place the trust they have in me as one of my initial priorities in this profession for extraordinary reward of earning their valuable respect and confidence on me
In light of the above ,EMHCA degree is very important to upgrade my profession and to enable me performing my mission successfully and efficiently, thereby I will feel at the end of the day I am accomplishing my role toward my subordinates
Rasmieh Zeidan
please Mr. Tony and Dr Rashid ( Rasmieh still waiting for your invaluable comments and correction)
have a nice week end
Message from Tony
Please find my amended version below:
It is indisputable that experience is very important in anyone's career. The fourteen years I spent working in a tertiary 1000 bed hospital in Saudi Arabia, in addition to four years managerial position, have proved invaluable. No one can deny that the Executive Master Health Care Administration (EMCHA) degree will empower my career and professional development. In this essay I will look at the importance of this Masters degree in my profession.
I truly value the opportunity to take a Masters degree programme. It is vitally important for me on a personal and occupational level, to pursue such a postgraduate course of study. I admire individuals who strive to drive our world to success every day and make it a better place. Applying for the EMHCA degree is a major step in approaching my potential, as it will push me to make the most of my career possibilities. However, I have been exposed to managerial issues since 2002, and have acquired a sense of duty and responsibility. Indeed, I consider that my accumulated practice and track record prove that I can perform even more effectively in the future. And so it is this quest for quality and self-improvement that underpin my application for this EMHCA degree. By harnessing practical experience I will enhance my knowledge. As I see it, the EMHCA degree is the best route for me to achieve my personal and profesional goals. I am enthusiastic about embarking on such a mission because I am, by nature, not a 'stick in the mud'. I firmly believe that knowledge is a life-long vocation, not bounded by age considerations.
Furthermore, the journey to earn this degree, if granted to me, will prove to be a primary milestone throughout my life in seeking to learn. I feel that it is my calling to lead people towards the right way and be trustful. Therefore I need to expand my knowledge, in this way I will earn the respect and trust of my colleagues and fellow health care practitioners. This confidence of my peers in me is an absolute priority for me in my future professional development.
In light of the above, the EMHCA degree is essential to enable me to upgrade my career path and to encourage me to perform my mission successfully and efficiently. By embarking on this Masters degree programme I will feel that at the end of the day, I am accomplishing my role toward my superiors and subordinates.
Well, how's that? The window opened for a short while and I managed to re-write your splendid essay. Is there a word limit? I could edit it further, if necessary.
I have tried to keep to the 'spirit' of your original essay.
Good luck and God bless, Rasmieh!
Tony
nb IELTSCOMMUNITY10 scholars, this is the way. Have the courage to post your work on the weblog. In this way, I, Dr Rashid or Mubarka (stand by for Mubs' comeback!) can help you.
In many ways it's easier for me to correct / comment on your work via the weblog rather than on paper.
The problem is time, time, time, time, time ...
Enjoy the weekend!
Health Care Administration) degree is important to you. (This is one of the requirements in my Masters degree application.)
It is indisputable, that experience is very important to work, fourteen years experience I have had from tertiary 1000 beds hospital in Saudi, in addition to four years managerial experience. No one can deny that Executive Master Health Care Administration (EMCHA) Degree will empower my career, in this essay I will look at the importance of Mater Degree to my profession.
I am blessed with a true of the value of the Master degree, it is important to me on personal and occupational levels, such people that drive our world to success every day and make it a better place. Applying for EMHCA degree is a big leap in approaching my potential, as it will prove me to make the most of my career
However, I have exposed to managerial issues since 2002, and have acquired a sense of duties and responsibilities , my accumulated practice and experience proved that I can do more efficient , this quality target , irrefutable that composed of two essential ingredients , the first being pratice the second is advance knowledge , as I believe ,that EMHCA degree is my ticket to the second . I m embarking on such mission, because I, by nature, m not settler, as I see it, knowledge is a life-long road not bounded by age number.
Furthermore, the journey to earn this degree is granted to me, it will prove to be a primary milestone throughout my life in seeking to learn , I feel that to lead people toward the right way and be trustful , I should expand my knowledge , so I must genuinely earn the duty ,the trust and title they trust me with. I place the trust they have in me as one of my initial priorities in this profession for extraordinary reward of earning their valuable respect and confidence on me
In light of the above ,EMHCA degree is very important to upgrade my profession and to enable me performing my mission successfully and efficiently, thereby I will feel at the end of the day I am accomplishing my role toward my subordinates
Rasmieh Zeidan
please Mr. Tony and Dr Rashid ( Rasmieh still waiting for your invaluable comments and correction)
have a nice week end
Message from Tony
Please find my amended version below:
It is indisputable that experience is very important in anyone's career. The fourteen years I spent working in a tertiary 1000 bed hospital in Saudi Arabia, in addition to four years managerial position, have proved invaluable. No one can deny that the Executive Master Health Care Administration (EMCHA) degree will empower my career and professional development. In this essay I will look at the importance of this Masters degree in my profession.
I truly value the opportunity to take a Masters degree programme. It is vitally important for me on a personal and occupational level, to pursue such a postgraduate course of study. I admire individuals who strive to drive our world to success every day and make it a better place. Applying for the EMHCA degree is a major step in approaching my potential, as it will push me to make the most of my career possibilities. However, I have been exposed to managerial issues since 2002, and have acquired a sense of duty and responsibility. Indeed, I consider that my accumulated practice and track record prove that I can perform even more effectively in the future. And so it is this quest for quality and self-improvement that underpin my application for this EMHCA degree. By harnessing practical experience I will enhance my knowledge. As I see it, the EMHCA degree is the best route for me to achieve my personal and profesional goals. I am enthusiastic about embarking on such a mission because I am, by nature, not a 'stick in the mud'. I firmly believe that knowledge is a life-long vocation, not bounded by age considerations.
Furthermore, the journey to earn this degree, if granted to me, will prove to be a primary milestone throughout my life in seeking to learn. I feel that it is my calling to lead people towards the right way and be trustful. Therefore I need to expand my knowledge, in this way I will earn the respect and trust of my colleagues and fellow health care practitioners. This confidence of my peers in me is an absolute priority for me in my future professional development.
In light of the above, the EMHCA degree is essential to enable me to upgrade my career path and to encourage me to perform my mission successfully and efficiently. By embarking on this Masters degree programme I will feel that at the end of the day, I am accomplishing my role toward my superiors and subordinates.
Well, how's that? The window opened for a short while and I managed to re-write your splendid essay. Is there a word limit? I could edit it further, if necessary.
I have tried to keep to the 'spirit' of your original essay.
Good luck and God bless, Rasmieh!
Tony
nb IELTSCOMMUNITY10 scholars, this is the way. Have the courage to post your work on the weblog. In this way, I, Dr Rashid or Mubarka (stand by for Mubs' comeback!) can help you.
In many ways it's easier for me to correct / comment on your work via the weblog rather than on paper.
The problem is time, time, time, time, time ...
Enjoy the weekend!
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11:25 PM
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